Damn Cannibals
by So then this happened
Summary: Set right at the end and immediately after Countrycide. Ianto realizes something and feels a strong need to tell Jack.
1. Chapter 1

_Cannibals. My god, they were going to eat us._ Ianto thought as he sat completely still in the back of the SUV. His body was frozen in place, his hands braced against his thighs. His eyes were fixed on the ground; his vision swam back and forth between focused and fuzzy.

Visions of the day swirled in his head: Tosh and he getting separated, waking up in that cellar, the fridge full of body parts, and the horrid kitchen; it all played in his mind like a sick movie. It played until he got to the part when Tosh was able to make a run for it; at that point all he could focus on was the knife being held in front of his face.

_The knife on my neck. The knife on my neck. The knife on my neck. _It was all he could feel, all he could think, all he could see at that moment. His mouth was set, his eyes, were still, his hands were numb, he could feel the pain from the bruises forming on his chest, but it was distant. He was distant.

He was vaguely aware of everyone pilling into the SUV. He stared out the window, his eyes never really relaying what he saw to his brain, or was it his brain that wasn't registering correctly? He was aware of arriving at the hub. Owen and Jack ushered Gwen, Tosh, and he into the med bay.

Owen changed the dressings on Gwen's shot gun wound and sent her home with a small bottle of painkillers. He looked over Tosh who was mostly uninjured and gave her instructions for her sore shoulders and rope burned wrists before sending her home as well. Ianto didn't notice any of it. He just stood there. He didn't think, he didn't speak, he just existed.

Ianto looked up when Owen began shining a light into his eyes, but when Owen slapped his cheek lightly he blinked for what felt like the first time since they all left the countryside. Owen asked him a question and his brain was going over the sounds his ears were transmitting but he wasn't fully registering. "Ianto, did you hit your head?"

"No." came Ianto's succinct reply.

"Did they hurt you?" Owen asked gently, and if Ianto had been more aware of his surroundings he may have been surprised at the softness in the surly doctor's voice. Owen was a Doctor after all. Ianto swallowed before he answered. He had already been checked over before they left the country but Owen wanted to check everyone over again himself for his report.

"Yes."

"Where?"

Ianto didn't want to talk anymore so he simply lifted up his shirt, realizing belatedly his jacket had been removed. He glanced over to where he set it down on the railings and thought it odd that he wasn't really paying attention to anything. The thought passed quickly as Owen's hands were helping his tired arms remove the shirt. He watched Owen's face as the medic ran his hands over his bruised chest and stomach. Owen's expression was still and hard to read.

"You're alright considering. Nothing serious." Owen handed him a bottle of painkillers and held his hand out to Ianto with the first dose, indicating he needed to take it immediately. The medic also handed him a cup with water in it. After taking the pill, Owen gave him instructions on what to do for the bruises and the pain.

Although Ianto was physically hearing what the doctor was saying he wasn't actually paying any attention to it. No matter though, the doctor wrote it all down for him and told him he could leave. "You're on leave for the next few days and when you come back it's light duty only. No wrestling with the weevils. You can go."

Ianto slowly pulled his shirt on and made his way out of the med bay. He walked over to the coffee machine and began to make coffee purely out of habit. He was aware of Owen and Jack talking quietly, of Owen leaving, and of Jack retreating into his office. He put two mugs on the tray, then set the tray back down and opted for using just his hands to carry the coffee. He wasn't sure why, but he told himself it was because he would look silly carrying the tray when he was in jeans.

Setting the coffee down on Jack's desk he noted the older man was looking at him with surprise.

"I thought Owen said you could leave?"

"He did." Ianto stated simply.

"Care to join me?" Jack tilted his head and looked at Ianto with a curious expression as he motioned to the setee further in the hub.

Ianto nodded rather weakly and turned to leave the office. Slowly coming back to the world Ianto sat on the settee. Jack sat at the other end and silence reigned over the two men. Jack seemed to be waiting patiently for Ianto to say something.

Ianto realized he wanted to say something; something in particular too, not just anything to fill the void. He took a few long sips of his coffee and sat fully back against the cushions on the settee. Turning his head to face Jack he opened his mouth but nothing came out. Jack broke the silence.

"Tosh told me what you did." Jack spoke softly. "How she was able to get away because of you." Ianto's eyes glazed over again as he replayed the image of seeing Tosh's terrified face while the knife was being held to his throat. Jack continued on in an even voice. "You did good. Really well for your first field mission."

Ianto looked at him with a minute expression of surprise. He stared at Jack, not really looking at him though. "I can't tell yet if this was worse than Canary Warf or not." he paused then added, "At least for me." He blinked and brought Jack's face into focus. Jack seemed confused so he continued.

"At Canary Warf I had one goal: Get Lisa to safety. I was scared, I was absolutely terrified, but I had to find her and get her safe." He swallowed before he went on. "I found her and I was screaming out for help, I was crying and screaming and I couldn't give a damn about the rest of the world; I had to get her safe." He took in a deep breath. Jack placed a hand on his shoulder, silently letting him know he could take his time.

"It was as though there was nothing else going on because I could focus on that. It was the same with this. All I could focus on was getting Tosh out." Ianto shook his head. "But I didn't have long to focus on it. I was alone in that room for so long with those..." He shuddered slightly. "They held that knife to my throat and I saw the looks on Gwen's and Owen's and Tosh's face. They looked as scared as I felt, they looked like they were about to watch me die and that scared the shit out of me. I saw the blade come closer and I can't help but think: It must have been what Lisa felt. Only she must have suffered more. I didn't come in and save her in time like you did for us."

Ianto let his eyes water and focused on drinking his coffee. Jack sat beside him quietly. "The horrors of Canary Warf, or the terror of that room." Ianto said in comparison, asking himself which he thought was the worse experience.

Time passed as Ianto's throat seemed to have constricted and he was unable to say more. He wanted very badly to say something though. It was important to him that he said it. He waited for what seemed like an hour.

Finally he found the voice he was looking for. It was time to say what he wanted to say since Jack came storming in, gun firing, to save them all. It was a thought in the back of his mind but now, finally, it had form. He gave the thought a strong and resolute voice. It tumbled from his lips fast,

"You're not a monster Jack." Jack's eyes seemed too intense to look at so it forced Ianto to tear his gaze away from the older man. "You're not." his voice cracked minutley. Glancing sideways at the captain and picking at invisible lint on his jeans Ianto spoke again in a more controlled manner, "I, don't really want to be alone at the moment, so…I'll just tidy up a bit in here, if you don't mind?" He waved a few fingers in a subtle gesture indicating the hub.

Jack shook his head, "Not at all." he watched Ianto as the young man stood up and began to tidy at a snail's pace. If Ianto had been watching Jack's expressions he might have seen the older man's eyes soften towards him before a furrowed brow of concern graced his boss's brow.


	2. Chapter 2

_Cannibals. They were going to eat my team._ Jack thought sickly as he sat and watched Gwen stare at the…thing, in front of her. This trip had not been what he expected. Camping could be loads of fun, especially with his team, but not when work was involved. With Jack, work was always involved and would continue to be until the Doctor came. It wasn't fair.

Rounding up his team was easy and he glanced at each of their tired faces as they clambered into the warm SUV. He drove them back to the hub in silence as he replayed a moment in his mind. He burst in through the wall and expertly disarmed and debilitated the entire horde of cannibals. He made sure to scour his memory to see if he missed any, if anyone might have escaped him. He was pleased to note he did not. However, he was equally displeased to note the state of his team. It was a memory he would be glad to be rid of, and a memory he would be all too happy to replace with happier ones.

He wanted to see his beautiful Gwen smile brightly and carefree. He wished his dear Owen would laugh a great big belly laugh. He hoped Tosh's eyes would never look at him with such terror and emptiness again. He cursed himself for ever bringing Ianto on this damn fooled mission. The young man wasn't ready. Jack prayed he would never send Ianto anywhere unprepared again. He allowed his eyes to wander and find the faces of his team through the rearview and stopped when he saw his wishes and hopes were too new to have taken affect. He gripped the wheel tighter.

Back at the hub, Jack and Owen seemed to be the most clear headed of them all. It was a good thing really; Owen wanted to double check everyone before giving Jack a verbal report. Jack took Gwen's report in his office then sent her on her way. Tosh came in and he grabbed her in a tight hug. She smiled a little at him and told him everything that happened when she and Ianto separated from him and the others to look for the car.

"And then Ianto just…head butted the guy! I was able to make a run for it. I didn't make it very far though. Still, he got me out and I don't know what I would have done or what would have happened to us if he didn't." Tosh explained and Jack noticed she seemed a bit proud of Ianto and more than thankful for his actions.

Truth be told, Jack was feeling the same. He glanced out of his door toward the med bay and thought he might have been wrong about Ianto not being ready. "When they took us, Owen, Gwen, and myself" Tosh continued, "I didn't know what to expect" She swallowed hard. "When they pulled him up from behind the counter I thought they killed him, but then that man took the bag off his head and held the knife to his throat and I…" She trailed off. Jack let her sit in silence as she tried to order her thoughts. "Well, that's when you came in."

Jack let her go after another hug and told her to stay home tomorrow. He saw Owen finishing up with Ianto and stood near Owen's work station to wait. When Ianto walked passed him it was obvious the young man was lost in thought. Jack looked from Ianto to Owen and tilted his head at the physician in silent questioning.

Owen filled him in on the status of Gwen's gunshot wound, Tosh's sore shoulders and injured wrists, and Ianto's bruises which indicated he was beaten, not to mention the hard lump on his head that was discovered before they left the countryside.

"What about concussion?" Jack asked worried about the way Ianto had looked.

"Nah, he's ok. I was worried about that too after what Tosh told me, but I think it was just a good knocking about, nothing too serious." Owen finished writing on a clip board and handed it to Jack before grabbing his coat and tiredly trudging out of the hub.

Jack was engrossed reading the quick report Owen had written up and was genuinely surprised to find a mug full of coffee being handed to him.

* * *

As Ianto spoke about Canary Warf and about what happened in the country, Jack found himself understanding the internal struggle. How can one compare two different events? Jack had been there though, when you fight and sometimes die to save others, it all seems worth it. However, when you come face to face with death and don't even have the knowledge that your death will save someone, you feel completely small and vulnerable and you are filled with a terror that's almost indescribable.

"You're not a monster Jack"

Jack was surprised by Ianto's statement. Then a flurry of thought went through his mind. As he watched Ianto slowly tidy up the hub, Jack thought about what the young man said.

_But, I am a monster_, thought Jack. All the terrible things he's done, all the horrible schemes he was a part of, the man he used to be before he met the Doctor, the atrocious things he's done being a part of Torchwood; he shuddered at the remembrance. Jack sat contemplating for a while in silence as Ianto moved about. It had hurt when the young Welshman proclaimed on the Plass that he was monster. It hurt not because Jack thought he was wrong, but because he knew the man was right; a member of his team knew the dark truth about him. He really was a monster.

"You're wrong." Jack said quietly as he stood from his seat.

"I'm what?" Ianto spoke softly.

"You're wrong about me Ianto." Jack stepped towards Ianto and stopped about a foot away from the younger man. "I am a monster." Jack admitted and nodded his head slightly.

"No you're not sir." Ianto assured him.

"Oh but I am. You were right the first time when you said it." Jack watched as Ianto hung his head and closed his eyes against what Jack assumed were tears. "Come here" Jack pulled Ianto into a hug. It was a friendly, reassuring hug. "I am, but…" Jack squeezed Ianto a little tighter, then pulled back just enough to look Ianto in the eyes.

Their faces were close, their bodies were pressed together, their arms were wrapped around each other. To Jack's surprise this hug slipped from being friendly to…something else. As he gazed deep into Ianto's eyes he wondered if the young man wrapped in his protective embrace could sense the change too. He took in a shaky breath before he spoke again, suddenly very aware of how close their lips were.

"I'm glad you don't think so anymore." He finished saying, his voice dripping with honesty.

Neither man moved as Jack searched Ianto's eyes. He thought he saw a brief flash of desire in the young Welshman's eyes, but it was gone too soon to be sure. Ianto gazed at Jack now with a look that bespoke, was that…shame?

"How could I possibly compare what happened to me last night to what happened to Lisa at Canary Warf?" Ianto spoke in a small voice; his face full of shame now, not just his eyes. "How?"

Calmly Jack spoke to him. He knew exactly why. "Because your mind is just trying to quantify what happened. It's trying to categorize it, and the best way to do that is to compare it to similarly traumatic experiences you've had." He paused as Ianto took in what he was saying and broke their embrace. "So the two moments may be on the same shelf, or share the same box, or even be in the same filing cabinet, similar but different. Comparing them is natural; believe me I've done it before."

Ianto stood with his hands on his hips, and he nodded in understanding looking down at the floor. It was after a long silent pause that Jack spoke again.

"Hungry?" Jack asked.

"Starving" Ianto replied quickly.

Jack chuckled before he said "Well, I _was_ going to cook you all campfire chili, but my plans were interrupted"

Ianto let out a quick laugh as he ran his hand over his eyes "Damn cannibals." He said dryly.

"What would you like?"

"Are you seriously going to order it?" Ianto asked in an incredulous tone.

"I got on well enough before you joined, I think I know how to order take away" Jack said in mock annoyance.

"Actually I'm quite partial to Indian at the moment."

"Indian it is then."

When the food arrived they toed off their shoes and sat cross legged on the setee. Ianto didn't bother to tuck his napkin into his collar as he wasn't wearing a suit, noticing this Jack smiled to himself. They talked about nothing in particular, sometimes the silence would return but it was never awkward. Jack felt quite comfortable and Ianto seemed to be coming back to reality. He found himself hoping that sharing a quiet meal with Ianto would happen more often. He was still worried about the young man though, "How are you Ianto?"

"All the better for being alive and well fed sir" Ianto quipped.

"No really, how are you?" Jack pressed.

Dark shadows glazed over Ianto's eyes as he sat and thought about how to answer. Eventually Ianto nodded slowly and turned to Jack to reply. "Getting there."

"Good." Jack wanted to say more. He wanted to say he was there to talk if he needed it, his shoulder was always there to cry on, his bed was always free to find escape in. Somehow Jack never found it easy to talk about emotions, or to share openly. The silence pressed in and Jack let it.

Sometimes, more than just words could convey what a person meant. In this case, both men were willing to listen and be heard but neither could bring themselves to really do it. As he looked at Ianto and the young man looked back, he could tell his offer was understood, even if he hadn't spoken it aloud. Only time would tell if Ianto would ever take him up on it.


	3. Chapter 3

It was only early afternoon but being amped up on adrenaline all night will wear a person out. So it was that Ianto found himself sinking further back into the settee. It wasn't comfortable on normal days, but then this hadn't been a normal 24 hours. Well, maybe by Torchwood standards it was normal, though cannibals were hardly listed in the handbook. No, now this settee was the most comfortable thing he ever sat on.

Ianto felt himself relax. His eyelids were drooping, his eyes feeling dry and scratchy when they were open. He felt his limbs getting heavy, his muscles melting. He was sure it was the pain killers kicking in and his full stomach which were aiding in his relaxation. He felt rather than witnessed his empty plate being removed from his lap. He felt Jack stand and a guiding hand on his shoulder. Ianto was too tired to protest and honestly he was too happy to oblige in lying down as best he could on the lumpy cushions. A solid warm weight pressed against him and he struggled to get his mind to figure out what it was; a blanket. The moment it registered he dropped off to sleep.

Jack was beginning to feel tired. He was usually able to keep long hours but this mess of a case had run them all ragged. He wondered how his team were doing and imagined them all tucked up in bed snug, safe, and warm, even if it was still daylight. He looked to his right at Ianto and a small smile twitched in the corner of his mouth. Ianto was falling asleep and it seemed the young man wasn't even aware of it.

With slow and gentle movements Jack extracted the empty plate from Ianto's hand and stood. Jack had barely touched Ianto's shoulder to push him sideways into a laying position before the young man started to tip and get comfortable. He grabbed a blanket and lightly draped it over the still form on the settee. Shutting off the lights on his way Jack went to his office and decided to catch a few hours of sleep himself.

It was hardly an hour later when Jack dragged himself out of his bunker and back into his office. Sleep had been elusive. He sat at his desk and finished the reports he started earlier. Out of habit he reached for the mug in front of him. It wasn't until he was a few sips in that he realized Ianto must be awake.

A quick look at his watch and a slight frown graced Jack's face. He found Ianto sitting at Tosh's work station staring at the screen. That was all he was doing, staring.

"Ianto?"

"Yes" Ianto shook himself and replied with false energy.

"Didn't you sleep?"

"I did but…" he trailed off and gazed back at the screen.

"But?" Jack encouraged.

"It wasn't very comfortable" Ianto sighed.

"I thought the pills Owen gave you would have made it possible to sleep on concrete" Jack said, confusion in his tone.

"Apparently not" Ianto snipped back.

"Alright, come on."

Ianto reluctantly followed Jack into the office where Jack disappeared into the manhole. A moment passed and Jack's voice called out from below "Ianto!"

Peering down into the dimly lit bunker Ianto saw Jack looking up at him expectantly.

"Well, come on" Jack waved his hand motioning for Ianto to climb down.

Confused and a little uncomfortable Ianto obliged. Jack was putting new sheets on the bed and Ianto helped him.

"Try to get some rest here and I'll wake you in" Jack checked his watched and did some mental calculations "about two hours to take the next dose of pain killers"

"You don't have to do this, it isn't really necessary, I could just-" Ianto gave the polite refusal which was procedure in times like this; manners were important and one of his greatest assets.

"Ianto" Jack cut him off and gave him a stern yet friendly look "go to sleep". With that Jack handed him the duvet and climbed up the ladder to his office.

It took Ianto a few moments to undress down to his boxer briefs and his vest. The moment he sat on the bed and discovered it to be the softest most worn in mattress he has ever encountered he quickly laid down. Barely having time to cover himself, he was slipping into a light doze.

Ianto didn't fall completely asleep however. This was an unfamiliar bed, with unfamiliar sights, with unfamiliar sounds, and with unfamiliar scents. Although, after a while he could swear he started smelling Jack's pheromones. _Must be from the pillow_ he thought tiredly.

The smell brought with it, drifting in through the fog of pain killers and exhaustion, a memory. The night in the warehouse came creeping into his mind and he smiled at the comical nature of the event. He had been so desperate those days to get Jack to give him a job. Ianto was thanking his tired state for making it impossible for him to feel any guilt of betrayal, to feel the utter despair of losing hope, or any of the recent horrors in the country. He moaned quietly and shifted positions on the bed. Alright, so maybe his exhaustion wasn't enough to keep those thoughts at bay.

Sighing he stared up at the ceiling and tried to let his mind calm down. He had done this before, countless times. Stared up at the ceiling and waited. Waited for the thoughts to eventually subside, or for sleep to finally kick in and silence his mind for him. Normally, when this would happen at night, he would get up and be productive. Getting an early, sometimes extremely early, start to the day would help. Sometimes.

This however, was not going to be an occasion where he got up and became productive. He was under orders to rest and that's exactly what he intended to do. He was in pain and after all he had been through he felt he deserved a nice bit of rest. Now, if only his body would read the memo too.

After what felt like a long while Jack came down with a glass of water and pulled out a container of pills.

"Did you sleep at all?" Jack asked as he handed over the water and pills.

"Not really" Ianto admitted as he took a swig of the water and washed down the pain killers.

"Did you rest at least?" Jack seemed concerned.

"A bit yeah."

"Well, hopefully those will help." Jack pointed to the pills.

"That or a good stiff drink" Ianto snarked.

"Mixing alcohol with painkillers isn't exactly ideal" Jack admonished

"Leave it to you to do that _one_ thing by the book, Mr 'I like to improvise everything'"

Jack laughed "Mr. Jones are you insulting me?"

"Me? never" Ianto dead panned.

"As it happens I agree with you" Jack said as he started back up the ladder. He didn't go all the way up though; just enough to reach his hand out and grab a tumbler filled with amber liquid which he brought back down and handed to Ianto.

"Thanks" Ianto said quietly as he sat up and took a sip.

Jack sat on the edge of the bed and the two of them sat in silence. Ianto relaxed into the headboard and propped up pillows while Jack laid back with his feet still on the floor and his hands behind his head.

After Ianto had taken a few sips of his drink and the silence lasted long enough Jack spoke "You want to talk about it?"

"Nope" came Ianto's far too quick reply.

Jack simply nodded and continued staring at the ceiling. This wasn't what he had in mind for getting Ianto into his bed. A lot of things didn't go to plan for him. He must be cursed. His entire team was almost wiped out, and eaten.

The silence, the dark, the staring, and the visions of last night brought with it, crept on nasty legs of painful similarity, a memory. New Year's Eve night, just before the countdown. He made it back to the hub in time for the countdown and was expecting smiles and champagne. What he got was blood and death. He was in time for the countdown, to watch the stupid countdown on telly, but not in time to save them.

"You want to talk about it?"

Jack was shaken from his morbid trip down memory lane by the slurred words of a very tired looking Ianto. Jack shook his head and softly replied "no". He thought about how he was late that New Year's Eve night, but he wasn't late last night. However close his team came to being slaughtered, they hadn't been. They were alive. He had kept them safe.

Seeing Ianto's eye lids drooping and his eyes glazed over not really focusing on anything, Jack realized he still had a little more work to do to help Ianto. The young man needed a good sleep. He propped himself up on an elbow and reach over for the now empty tumbler. Once Ianto's hand was free of its burden Jack saw the younger man tip to the side and fall sound asleep.

Jack stayed on the bed where he was. He was in no rush to return to his office above and as it was his room after all, and his bed too, he felt no intrusion into Ianto's privacy by staying. After a while of staring at the ceiling, his back was hurting so he curled up at the foot of the bed and fell asleep.

He wasn't aware of it, but the position he put himself in mirrored Ianto's precisely.


End file.
